Cruise Control

It’s easy to forget what you’re doing. I find myself going on autopilot. Every once in a while I will wake up and realize what is in front of me. I just went through midterms and it’s that feeling of having no time while also running out of time. I had forgotten that feeling already which is surprising. It’s scary and overwhelming and makes me want to do nothing but sleep. Now things have calmed down though and I almost feel antsy. It’s  uncomfortable. I suppose that if you get used to running it can be hard to walk again afterwards. I realized today that the stress of midterms pulled me away from what I’m doing here. Slowly I’ve felt myself pushing forward. Trying to wake up to find myself further down the line, but I was excited to go back to school for a while there. I knew that I would feel like this at some point-burnt out and over it. University consumes your life like nothing else, you constantly feel like you have work to do and just look forward to the day you can relax only to feel guilty for wasting a day…It’s exhausting.

Today I realized how much of my time that is spent technically doing schoolwork that really doesn’t feel like schoolwork though. I realized I was lucky. And more importantly, that I was happy. There was a reason that I took a break from school but there was also a reason why I chose to do this. While it’s not traveling, it is a process that sure teaches you things about yourself. I am a very determined person I’ve learned. I can lose focus every once in a while, go on auto pilot but I’m working towards something and I will achieve it. Tomorrow will come and the next chapter will be exciting but I will have accomplished something that I will always have. There are always two sides to the coin. It’s important to appreciate the side you’re on. It won’t always be there.


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